Oh, Recovery!

It's cold in Kingston. The driveway at my house is covered in ice. Two days ago, in a rush to get out, I slipped and went down. My shoulder is stiff today, but I've got to say, I fell really well.

The wounds have both been completely uncovered about four days now. There were two incisions - one in the lower half of my armpit, the other about two finger-widths below that. The armpit scar is pretty unpleasant to look at. It's got a knot of stitching poking out at one end, is a meanish red colour and has eyes. No, it hasn't. It has a big lump under it, not eyes. According to Dr. Ross, that lump is probably a build-up of fluid. After all, there used to be a lymph node there.

The breast scar is much more subtle, and the piece of stitching sticking out is a single thread. The boob is swollen and has many tender spots. There is a hard line of tissue that loops down from the scar, which I imagine may be new scar tissue from where the Lump was taken. Maybe my boobs won't look as alike as I initially thought...

There are lots of stretches to do in order to regain flexibility and strength in my arm and shoulder. The difference they make to the amount of pain I feel is astounding! Swimming sure helps, too.

It hasn't been an easy time. I became very emotional last weekend. My fears had been quietly preying upon me for most of it. While I was performing fewer activities in an effort to conserve energy and heal, I grew more and more anxious about things like death, and fertility! Navigating relationships became stressful, as did working to support myself. Although I was continually reading The Intelligent Patient Guide to Breast Cancer, I wasn't reading the immediately helpful parts. I was pretty lost and just anxious enough that I couldn't think who I could call for help, nor recognize that I needed to. Stupid times.

Well, now I know, and the pathology report has arrived at the Cancer Clinic. Mom and I will be seeing Dr. Engel on Monday to hear his translation and ideas for action.

I missed writing to you.