There was an earthquake here today!
Tonight there were fireworks, and a big cloudburst of rain, lightning and thunder. There was a good movie (Please Give) playing at the Screening Room. There was an exhilarating breeze from the south west. There was a gorgeous new path to walk around the waterfront condos. There were beautiful people walking with me.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Today
It was 'injected'. I couldn't imagine living with the uncertainty; what if I didn't take that last dose and the cancer came back? Knowing me, I'd beat myself up for years imagining that last dose could have made all the difference.
There were concerns that my white blood cell count was not high enough to withstand the drugs, but this morning I was ready (Thank you, Neupogen, I hate you.). The PICC Line was removed afterward. Mom was with me and made a short video of the removal which I may post.
Today also marks the end of blood-thinner injections. Ooh, those things were awful.
In the first week of August, radiation will begin. A week ago, I was mapped and tattooed for the treatment. It was weird lying on the radiation table for 45 minutes with three men looking at, drawing on, and making small dot tattoos around my breast.
Cottage the July 1st weekend? It will be so lovely to swim in The Lake again, imagining it makes me want to cry!
This is the last of it. CHEMO'S OVER!!
There were concerns that my white blood cell count was not high enough to withstand the drugs, but this morning I was ready (Thank you, Neupogen, I hate you.). The PICC Line was removed afterward. Mom was with me and made a short video of the removal which I may post.
In the first week of August, radiation will begin. A week ago, I was mapped and tattooed for the treatment. It was weird lying on the radiation table for 45 minutes with three men looking at, drawing on, and making small dot tattoos around my breast.
Cottage the July 1st weekend? It will be so lovely to swim in The Lake again, imagining it makes me want to cry!
This is the last of it. CHEMO'S OVER!!
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Reckoning
The last round of chemo is just 6 days away. I've gone through feelings, thoughts, and conversations about its necessity, and I am grudgingly resigned to it.
To shake things up some, I've decided to make my apartment "home base". The change comes from pure old selfish wanting things my way. It was a pleasure and a struggle to live with Gramma - whose infamous idiosyncrasies combine with alzheimer's to create a potent cocktail. It has been wonderful to feel taken care of by my big-hearted parents, but the tensions around their relationships are too much for me now.
To shake things up some, I've decided to make my apartment "home base". The change comes from pure old selfish wanting things my way. It was a pleasure and a struggle to live with Gramma - whose infamous idiosyncrasies combine with alzheimer's to create a potent cocktail. It has been wonderful to feel taken care of by my big-hearted parents, but the tensions around their relationships are too much for me now.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Details
That old PICC line, I've got to tell you, it's doing just fine. After all the problems with rashes and blood clots, my CanCare nurse and I figured out a system. You know what we do? We do Nothing.
Skin has healed around the tube, sealing it off from the outside world. Skin has healed around the stitches as well, like a piercing. The dangly part is strategically taped to my arm so it's flexible enough that the nurses can access the blood return and flush system without ever tugging on the stitches. Sometimes the kitties try to play with the dangling part, but, that's strictly not allowed. All I do to take care of it, is keep it clean, avoid things that could cause an infection. I give it little saline and sterile gauze baths sometimes. Yes, I still have to inject Fragmin daily to keep from developing more blood clots, but, otherwise, it's low maintenance.
I am looking forward to having it cut loose in about twenty days. I'm gonna keep it though, just like I kept the nasty drain that was stuck up under my skin after surgery. Mementos.
Hair is a whole 'nother issue. I keep my head shaved. I rarely wear the fabulous wig Jennifer and Meredith helped to find in Montreal, because my head gets hot and itchy when I have it on. I'm quite comfortable with the bare noggin, now it's a little tanned.
My eyelashes have thinned dramatically in the past couple of weeks, and my brows are looking a little sparse. I still have hair on my legs and my arms, curiously, and my chin. It's been something of a relief not having hair to shave from my armpits and bikini area, though! It'll all come back, with a vengeance, no doubt.
For my head I've been wishing for curls - tight dark ringlets!
Skin has healed around the tube, sealing it off from the outside world. Skin has healed around the stitches as well, like a piercing. The dangly part is strategically taped to my arm so it's flexible enough that the nurses can access the blood return and flush system without ever tugging on the stitches. Sometimes the kitties try to play with the dangling part, but, that's strictly not allowed. All I do to take care of it, is keep it clean, avoid things that could cause an infection. I give it little saline and sterile gauze baths sometimes. Yes, I still have to inject Fragmin daily to keep from developing more blood clots, but, otherwise, it's low maintenance.
I am looking forward to having it cut loose in about twenty days. I'm gonna keep it though, just like I kept the nasty drain that was stuck up under my skin after surgery. Mementos.
Hair is a whole 'nother issue. I keep my head shaved. I rarely wear the fabulous wig Jennifer and Meredith helped to find in Montreal, because my head gets hot and itchy when I have it on. I'm quite comfortable with the bare noggin, now it's a little tanned.
My eyelashes have thinned dramatically in the past couple of weeks, and my brows are looking a little sparse. I still have hair on my legs and my arms, curiously, and my chin. It's been something of a relief not having hair to shave from my armpits and bikini area, though! It'll all come back, with a vengeance, no doubt.
For my head I've been wishing for curls - tight dark ringlets!
Friday, June 4, 2010
5 down, one to go
Hi Friends! Here we are! Nearing the end of this uncomfortable cycle. Truly, I can't wait for this to be over!
Last week, when the pain was gone, I went into the city and stayed in my apartment for 6 days and nights. It was wonderful to be there for a stretch, wandering around with friends, running into people I hadn't seen for a while, getting to know my new roommate, Jared, and being surrounded by my things. My computer was still out here at the farm, and my phone battery died, so I felt free, where I usually feel a compulsion to check in. Really, it was a lovely spell.
I had appointments with a personal fitness group, had a fitness assessment and signed up for their services. The plan is to exercise through the pain and depression of these last two rounds of side-effects. In an effort to fight the misery. Right now, I'm confident it will work. With all the deconditioning effects of chemo, combined with my general lack of fitness, I'll be coming out the other side without much strength. The June cover of Vanity Fair is giving some little bit of motivation.
Also, I endured the distinctly weird experience of the flexible sigmoidoscopy... anyone know what I'm talking about? Of course the doctor was a strapping young fellow, who took pleasure in my embarrassment. He sent me away with photographs that he told me to post on facebook. Dear Pimmy went with me. It was a twisted excursion into the Kingston General Hospital and the mind of a GI guy.
Last week, when the pain was gone, I went into the city and stayed in my apartment for 6 days and nights. It was wonderful to be there for a stretch, wandering around with friends, running into people I hadn't seen for a while, getting to know my new roommate, Jared, and being surrounded by my things. My computer was still out here at the farm, and my phone battery died, so I felt free, where I usually feel a compulsion to check in. Really, it was a lovely spell.
I had appointments with a personal fitness group, had a fitness assessment and signed up for their services. The plan is to exercise through the pain and depression of these last two rounds of side-effects. In an effort to fight the misery. Right now, I'm confident it will work. With all the deconditioning effects of chemo, combined with my general lack of fitness, I'll be coming out the other side without much strength. The June cover of Vanity Fair is giving some little bit of motivation.
Also, I endured the distinctly weird experience of the flexible sigmoidoscopy... anyone know what I'm talking about? Of course the doctor was a strapping young fellow, who took pleasure in my embarrassment. He sent me away with photographs that he told me to post on facebook. Dear Pimmy went with me. It was a twisted excursion into the Kingston General Hospital and the mind of a GI guy.
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